


Trauma

by kingdeanx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Implied Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25148101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingdeanx/pseuds/kingdeanx
Summary: after years of nothing but neglect, hate and trauma, you leave your family hunting buisness to live a better life, eventually dean finds you and takes you in, with revisiting past family traumas dean figures out the real villain of the story.
Relationships: Dean Winchester x You, dean winchester x male reader
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I need to write some dean shit, thank you 💝 (part 1/5)

Hearing your mothers calls as you ran out the door, you wanted to forget they ever existed, not looking back you carried on walking, leaving the family and the buisness behind.

It hadn’t taken long for you to reach the bar a couple miles from your country home, wanting nothing more then to just forget about everything that took place all the years you’ve lived in that hell hole. 

You placed your bag next to you, sitting in a wooden, creaky stool, “bad night?” You nodded, Stacey, the bar owner knew of your family troubles and tried to help you as much as she could.

She poured you a couple shots of whiskey, your eyes crinkled at the instant burn is gave as it traveled down, one after another the burn became less. You were starting to lose hope, with every shot came instant regret, but anything to help you forget was ideal. 

You looked up at Stacey, her smile big as she greets the man behind you, hearing a deep cough which was to get your attention, you slowly glanced backwards to be met with...it can’t be. 

Dean stood still, his eyes filling with tears, the man he’s been looking for, for years is here, right now, in front of him. You fell out of your chair and into deans arms, tears streaming down your face as dean hugs you back, “I-it’s really you? Dean questioned, smiling as he kissed your forehead, you nodded, “let’s get you home” you pulled away, a sheer look of fear in your face. 

“N-no, not there, please” he nodded, “okay, back to mine, but I’m not letting you go anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong” you nodded, dean giving you a weak smile before placing you back down into the stool.

Stacey began to serve others, Dean only wanting himself to hear. “H-he’s back on the booze, a-and he...” you couldn’t bring yourself to say it, the imagine of him hitting you brough disgust and nausea to you. 

Before dean could speak, you ran to the bathroom, rushing to the first stall in sight, immediately letting out the contents of this mornings breakfast reappear. “Y/N?” You heard the faint calls of your name draw closer, his heavy footsteps louder as he nears. 

Finally finding you he gets down to your level, soothing your back in a rubbing motion. Finally finished you fell back against the stall doors, tears staining your cheeks. You felt nothing, you felt numb, the man that was suppose to protect you had began to abuse you in every way possible from slaps to punches. 

You tried to blame it on the booze, but you knew for a long time now that he hated you, and has since the day you were born. 

You couldn’t forgive your mother for not doing anything, just sitting and let it happen. “I-is he still beating you?” You nodded, dean coming over to hug you in an instant, the feeling of his warm body against yours gave you comfort, even if it was only a little.  
_____________________________________________  
(Flashback)

You and dean had gathered guns and salts for the hunt, an old ghost terrorising an innocent family. You and dean were only 20, so you weren’t as skilled as John, deans father.

If anything John has acted more like a father to you then your own ever has or will. It wasn’t until you and dean became close that John had offered you a place to stay.

“D-dean, I don’t wanna go back home” he nodded, standing closer then before, “I’ll never let him lay a finger on you again” you nodded, a feeble smile placed upon your face. Dean could see you were hurting, and it broke his heart to see you so fragile, you weren’t the young, lively, bubbly boy you use to be. 

Dean wanted to fix you, knowing of his feelings towards you, he wanted to be that someone you could always count on, to fall back on, to be that someone who will listen to your every want and need.

He didn’t even think twice before kissing your lips, so soft and luscious. You froze, shocked at the move. You had gathered feelings for dean at a very young age, right now this is what you needed.

_____________________________________________

You fell back on the bed, dean smiling against your lips as you both kissed harder, it was becoming heated and passionate by the second. You felt deans hand slide between you both, gripping onto your belt, doing everything, trying to unfasten the thing. 

In success he pulled the belt from your trousers, you doing the same with his, fumbling with the damn thing. You heard dean grunt above you as you slowly pull down his zipper, which eventually led you to pull down his jeans too. 

Your hand instantly wrapped itself around his dick, your hand tugging him as he begins to kiss you again. His kisses were soft this time, his hands pulling your own trousers down, the material unlatching itself of your thighs and legs, feeling them leave you in an instant.

It didn’t take long for dean to grab the lube from his bedside draw, using a generous amount, his spread the lube between your cheeks, and onto his member. Without warning, you felt him sink in, your hole stretching to accommodate him. 

Your moans were stopped by his tounge, the kissing deeper then ever. Dean set a slow pace wanting you to feel how much he loved you, how he needed you too. Both of you so close it felt magical. 

“I fucking love you so much” dean whispered into your ear. You felt him suddenly go faster, you whispering “I love you” over and over again. 

He was taking your virginity, it all felt right...you needed dean, the boy that’s been the closest to you ever since you were young. His thrusts were sloppy, cumming suddenly as you felt the warmth spread within you.

This only led to you both kissing again, in each other’s embrace as you kissed the night away. By the time dean woke up, you had gone, no more, no nothing, not even a goodbye, you had gone, dean had spent years looking for you, no luck.  
_____________________________________________

The car journey to deans home was long, you braced your self for the many questions he had, “why did you leave?” You heard the deep voice rumble from his chest. You didn’t know yourself, “i-I didn’t want you to get hurt” dean shook his head, a stern look on his face, “why did you leave me y/n...I-I loved you for gods sake”. 

You had hated yourself all these years, for running away from dean, not looking back, like you did with most people in your life. “I-I loved you” dean pulled over, tears streaming down his cheeks.

His hands came up to wipe them away, he was angry, he was hurt, all these years you just show up out of no where. “Dean I-“ that’s when he kissed you, cutting you off entirely.

Just like your first kiss, you didn’t know to to react, but eventually you kissed back, deans hands securing your face to his, the kiss slow and gentle. Dean couldn’t let you leave again, he couldn’t push you away, he had you back, and he was intending on keeping you forever. 

He pulled away, both of you just looking deeply into one another’s eyes. “Never leave me again, you know hard this life is” you nodded, it was true, you couldn’t count how many times you wish dean had been there, all because of your stupid actions, it was only know you and dean could enjoy each others company as a couple. 

You both had traveled back to the bunker. Sam shocked to see you here. He smiled as you greeted him, “long time no see” sam could only hug you, glad you were back. 

“Missed you” you nodded, saying the same thing. All three of you sat down to talk, holding a cup of tea as you all began to catch up, dean noticing more cuts and bruises as he examines you, it had been subtle but later dean was going to chat properly on why you left. 

(Thank you 💝)


	2. Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after years apart, dean decides to comfront you, the reason you left still uncovered. Dean didnt expect another secret to be unfolded. Warnings ⚠️ - fluff, angst, dean getting angry, sadness overloadA/N - part 2 of the “trauma” series hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pt 2!!!! Hope you enjoy 💖

Summary - After years apart, Dean decides to confront you, the reason you left still uncovered. Dean didn’t expect another secret to be unfolded. 

Warnings ⚠️ - fluff, angst, Ddean getting angry, sadness overload

A/N - part 2 of the “trauma” series hope you enjoy!  
_____________________________________________

(Flashback)

Dean turned the music up, “We Built This City” playing as loud as he could get it. You looked to Dean, he was sporting his casual clothing, the brown leather jacket, which brought out his eyes, the golden necklace Sammy gave him and blue jeans...of course. 

You could only giggle as you watched Dean pretend to play the drums, he was so goofy, but you loved him too much to even care.

“You like what you see?” He gave you a wink, a chuckle soon leaving his lips. You did like what you saw, your boyfriend, Dean, just being the massive goofball he was. 

He brought you joy, something nobody has ever done. 

“You okay sweetheart?” 

You nodded, quickly pressing a kiss to his cheek, “Just thinking...about things”. 

He nodded, not wanting to question you, you had been through enough shit, so Dean wanted to take you somewhere, where it was just the two of you. 

“So, where are we going?” you asked As you approorached the place.

Dean began to speak, “Well I know we both love food...so I thought maybe, ice-cream?”.

You jumped with excitement like a child, something children do, Dean only found it cute, knowing he had found the one, someone who enjoys virtually everything he does himself. 

You held hands as you walked into the little shop, both of you going crazy, you had both gone over to the ice creams, gathering flavours that sounded delicious, and probably the most fattening.

Dean turned to you, smiling down at you the boy beside him, blessed with such beauty, He knew he would never understand why he left it so late, why he never dated you years ago when you had confessed your feelings. But all that matters is the here and now.

“I love you,” you heard Dean say, it was the first time he said it. 

You felt the familiar heat rise in your cheeks. “I-I love you too,” you heard the deep chuckle from dean as you gathered all the ice cream to enjoy, what a perfect day.

____________________________________________

Sam wandered off to his bedroom, tired from the day’s events, “It’s good to see you, y/n,” he squeezes your shoulder in a comforting way. 

You gave him a smile, Sam walking out the room, to his own. Hearing the door close, you saw Dean stand up, picking his chair up and moving it closer to you. 

You hadn’t been this close to anyone in years, knowing it was because Dean just made everything feel...good again. Seeing his face allowed you to relax.

Seeing your hands on the table, both of Dean’s wandered to your own, gripping them in a warm embrace. 

A weak smile on his face,. “I-I have a lot of questions to ask, i-if that’s okay?” He didn’t want to come off as nosey or wanting to know your busiisness but he really did want to get to the bottom of the situation, why you left all those years ago. 

Dean’s eyes met with your own, his deep, green, emerald eyes glowing, he was always so beautiful. 

“Why...why did you leave?” There was such hesitation in his voice. You froze. 

There was too much to tell him, would he ever understand? Would he even love you if he found out? 

After all these years of lying to him., “I-I”, emotions took control, your voice faltering, tears falling from your face, the reality setting in, “What if Dean won’t love me back?” Was the question that always played in your mind.

But you put your front up, trying to think of a white lie, something to get past this. “I left because...because I didn’t want you to get hurt,” the tears kept falling as you struggled to word it correctly.

“I d-didnt want my Dad to hurt the only person I loved, I-I didn’t want to loose you.” 

Dean nodded, still unsure if that was the reason entirely.

But he gave you a weak smile, tears collecting in his own eyes, “I-Im sorry,” you broke down into Dean’s arms, they automatically wrapped around you, Dean, wanting to give you some comfort. 

You both stayed like that for hours, before Dean looks down, a smile on his face, “Come on...let’s go to bed.” 

You followed his lead, slowly standing up before he leads you along with his hand. 

You both entered Dean’s room, the bed in the corner, already waiting for you both to settle in. You went first of course. 

Dean then slotted in behind you, pulling the cover over you, he soon wrapped his big arm around your waist, cuddling you from behind. 

“Night,” he placed a kiss on your cheek and that’s when your nuzzled into the pillow, Dean filling your senses as your drifted off into a deep sleep.  
____________________________________________

You ran as fast as you could, the yells of your father screaming your name, “COME BACK Y/N!” you ran until your legs couldn’t take you any more.

You began to hear screams...shouting, it sounded familiar. It couldn’t be…... Dean could it? You immediately span on your heel.

Knowing Dean could be in trouble, you ran closer and closer, until you saw him, flat on the floor with his throat slit. You screamed out at the top of your lungs in your agony as the loudest you could. 

“Nobody can hear you,” you felt the cold, icy grip of your father’s hand, it felt like death had claimed your soul.

Pushing you to the floor, you saw the ugly smile he sported, his eyes a deep black, “Any last words?” Before you could do anything the knife came down and sank into your chest.  
____________________________________________

Screaming, you shot up, a cold sweat covering your body. You struggled for air, your breathing faster then usual. 

You felt the warm grip of Dean’s big hand, comfortingly wrapped around you. You looked to Dean, a worried look on your face. Something was wrong.

“Sweetheart?” You turned to Dean, your eyes glowing a bright purple. Dean’s mouth hung open, unable to move.

“D-Dean...what’s happening to me?” he knew exactly what you were...a witch...Dean couldn’t stop staring.“D-Dean, talk to me,” the silence that followed made you shake in terror. 

“Y-your eyes...they’rere purple...” Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of you, tears forming in your own in fear of more rejection, from the man you love, Ccould this be over faster then it started? 

(Sorry if its short, hope you enjoy, i hope to have chapter 3 out soon 💖)


	3. Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary - with dean coming to terms with your secret, sam and dean call for rowena to come and help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART 3!!!! Only three more parts guys 💖

_____________________________________________Dean hadn’t had much thought when it came down to things. It happend suddenly, waking up to your screams, trying to comfort you, but yours eyes...they were different.

The purple glow had stayed in Dean’s mind since that night, you both were distant with eachother, hating the fact you had so many lies between you both. Dean had called rowena in hopes of helping the you. 

You always struggled with your true identity, tortured, abused by your own father simply because you were different. 

He was a hunter of course, hunter’s dont allow any being related to the supernatural to live underneath there roof, you were lucky with the winchesters. 

Knowing rowena was coming, you wanted to confront dean on what happend. He was distant to say the least, you didn’t want to live like this, not with him, not like this.

Walking into your shared bedroom you had found dean sitting at the end of your bed, cleaning some guns, you giggled a little, it was a dean thing of-course.

“Hey” you sat beside dean, of course no answer, so you nudged him with your elbow, this time dean looked over at you, “why couldn’t you tell me?” It had been the question bouncing around in his head. 

“I-i...i didnt know” that’s when dean raised his eye brows placing his gun down. Turning to you, he licked over his dry lips, “I’m sorry” was the first thing to leave his lips. A wave of relief came over you, knowing dean didn’t hate you as you intentionally thought.

“I-its okay” dean shook his head, “your always so quick to forgive, I didn’t want to avoid you...i-i was just”.

“Dean, it’s okay, you don’t need to explain to me” with that you kissed him, it was quick, but relit the old flame you both had between you both, dean had truly missed you. His lips were on fire, your first kiss together never felt...this good?. 

You heard the approaching footsteps of sam, you both broke apart, dean holding your hand in a tight grip, his stare loving. “She’s here” Sam gave you a weak smile, they both knew rowena was hard to handle sometimes but her intentions were never to harm the both of the them. 

Dean had high hopes, wanting rowena to help you explore your powers, Dean had turned to you, “ready?” A warm smile from him made you nod, taking his hand, you both slowly walked behind sam.

____________________________________________  
(Flashback) 

You little fucking freak” a hard smack had awoke you, your father and a few others stood before you, you were dazed, vision blurred.

“W-what are you d-doing...” you tried to move your hands, but you couldn’t, looking to them they were secured by leather restraints. “I should’ve killed you when i had the chance” you spat, making sure he heard you. 

You felt the sudden movements of your father, his hand making contact with your cheek. You coughed, blood falling from your lips. “Look at the little faggot he cant even defend himself” you heard the deep chuckles form from your fathers mouth. 

“Looks like dean winchester isn’t here to save you” you heard one of his jerky friends mimic your voice in the back, others teasing you, all because you were a witch, not to mention they were homophobic.

Dean tried to keep you away from the toxic atmosphere but your father was a dick and he tried everything to keep you at home so he could make your life a misery, he was exceeding tremendously. 

“Your mum should’ve aborted you, it would of saved me the trouble” another punch connected with your cheek, which ended up pushing you backwards, the chair had no broken.

You proceeded to stand up, “you will stop NOW” as you were surrounded by the group of angry men, your eyes began to glow a lilac purple. 

This time you were the one winning, you had enough, you didn’t want to unleash your powers, but anything to stop this, to stop your father. 

“FUCK YOU!” You screamed, every single one of them flew into the brick walls, hearing only your father groan, you stormed over to him, “you know, I should’ve killed you when i had the chance” you heard cries leave him as you held him against the wall. 

Your hands wrapped around his throat, “maybe you should’ve” with that, your father was quiet, not breathing, nothing, you let his lifeless body crumple to the floor, you fell along with him.  
_____________________________________________Your hand left Dean’s as you fell against the wall, your eyes shining purple as you remembered that day specifically. 

Your vision was blurred, “y/n?” You could only look at dean, everything seemed distant, “i-i remember” dean couldn’t understand you, but helped you yp, your eyes still purple. 

“I-i remember why” you turned to dean, tears welling in your eyes, “dean...I remember” he nodded, placimg you down on the table, rowena stood in the corner.

“Rowena, we need help” she rolled her eyes, “nice to meet you too”. Dean began to worry, he wanted to help, “rowena...you can look into people’s minds right?” She giggled, but nodded too.

“It’ll come with a price” both brothers nodded, dean rolling his eyes, you were to out of it to realise. “He will have severe memory loss”. 

It was a risk dean was willing to take, he wanted to know what exactly went on in your past that made you hide this part of yourself, he partly knew it was your father, but what did he do? “Stand back boys” rowena had placed her hands on your head, fingers on your temples, dean didn’t want to leave you, but he did as said.

Your eyes opened, shining that bright, lilca purple once again as rowena took a deep breath, her eyes doing the same as she searched through your head. 

It was confusing, everything was so jumbled up, “confused”...”abusive father”...”rejection”...”love”. Rowena then stopped. 

Tears leaving her eyes, “he’s severly depressed...he doesn’t know he’s a protector/healer, he sees this part of him as “bad”. “Dean, your the only one that can get through to him, you’ve got to snap him out of it before it’s to late, show him what he needs, what he wants”. 

Dean furrows his eyesbrows, confused, “what is that?” Rowena turned to him, “you”... Rowena then disappeared, she couldn’t do anything, it was up to dean to get to the bottom of this, to try and help his first love, you. 

(Next chapter is going to be very long, be prepared 💖)


End file.
